Relationship counseling can help you to repair a damaged bond and start afresh.
Signs of a healthy relationship
To understand why things can go wrong, it is helpful to know what must be right from the beginning.
For a long-term relationship to work, four key factors have to be – and remain – in play:
1. There has to be a CONNECTION. What we tend to admire most in others are the qualities that we hold dearest in ourselves. Sometimes if we find a few key qualities in another person, we begin to idealise them and assume they must have all the other qualities important to us… this is usually a mistake. However, if someone genuinely has the qualities and values that are most important to you, it is likely that a strong connection will be felt towards them.
2. There has to be IMMEDIATE physical attraction or chemistry. Of course, an intimate relationship can grow from a friendship, but such relationships can become brother and sister-type interactions over time, which can increase the chances of one or both partners having an affair.
Attraction is not a choice. It is either there or not, and you know in seconds. However, attraction on its own is not enough... ever! It has to be there, but on its own it is meaningless because it is instantaneous, involuntary and fleeting. Attraction can also be lost during a relationship and is often a major contributor to break-ups.
3. The absence of ‘deal breakers’. For example, she is perfect but she’s also a crack addict, or he’s wonderful but he beats me, or OK, so she’s an axe murderer but other than that, she’s my ideal woman. I am obviously exaggerating to make a point, but I am sure you see where I am coming from. Insecurity, jealousy and emotional instability are more common examples of ‘deal breakers’ for many people.
4. There has to be quality time spent together, which includes SHARED experiences and honest communication along with empathy and support. This is the part which often gets neglected over time and ends many relationships, either alone or in combination with loss of attraction or emotional closeness.
Lack of communication, resentment and dishonesty – even if made by mistake – can also deal astating blows to relationships.
What we can do to help
Relationship counseling can help you focus on fixing what’s wrong, rather than trying to prove who is right and making each other feel bad.
There are reasons why you got together in the first place – therapy can help you remember these and rebuild emotional closeness.
During therapy, attention will be devoted to honest and open communication, rediscovering each other and practical problem solving with win-win scenarios.
Contact Online Counseling now to take the next step in fixing your relationship.
In an emergency
If your relationship needs some immediate first aid, try removing the words ‘you’ and ‘but’ from your discussions. If you find this difficult, contact us to discover alternative words and phrases you can use.